


Judgement Day

by Velocira



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: OCs - Freeform, Other, warriors ocs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2018-10-06 12:06:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10334282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velocira/pseuds/Velocira
Summary: A young rogue cat is born to his mother, and together they live on the border of the great Warrior Clans. One night he is separated from his mother, and is found by the Thunderclan medicine cat, Badgerheart. Under his protection and care, Ash swears to find his mother, and will not rest until he is reunited with her.A short story based in the Warrior Cats universe, set in-between Dawn of the Clans and Into The Wild. It's focus is meant to look at the moralities and traditions of Warriors, and show the corruption in their system through the eyes of a rogue, a natural enemy to the clans. It will be 10 chapters long, with a possible addition of a prequel.Warrior Cats belongs to Erin Hunter. All characters belong to me.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted on Wattpad ages ago, and I'm starting to improve on writing slightly. Please don't critique me on my work as I know it's really bad and the pacing is wack, I just want to get the story out there. I don't plan on ever becoming a writer.

Hazy sunlight shone down through the canopy of trees high above the forest floor. A distant bird call rang out through the woods, breaking the quiet whisper of the wind for a moment. Tiny yellow flowers dotted clearing, attracting the occasional bee, and the loud sound of a cicada buzzed nearby.

Behind a thick bramble bush, at the base of a tall oak tree, a small hole was hidden under a tangle of roots. A deep set of indigo eyes stared out curiously from the hollow, mystified by all the world's nature.

His gaze wandered from looking at the sky, to looking at a thin trail of ants lurking in front of his paws. Everything was interesting to him, and he longed to run outside to experience it all. But his eyes flickered back to a single space between two brambles across from his tree, where his mother had vanished a few hours ago.

It reminded him of their conversations every time she left the den.

"Can I come with you this time?" He had asked his mother, hard on her paws as she began to leave the den.

She turned to face him, giving him a serious look of concern. "No, Ash," She pushed him back with a paw. "You can't, and you know why."

Ash struggled to regain his balance for a moment, and tumbled after her once more. "But I'm old enough now! I could spot a clan cat if I saw one, and-"

"It's more than just avoiding them!" She snapped, stopping herself and facing him with her green, serious, frightened eyes. "If they caught you in their territory, they would hurt you, maybe even _kill_ you. I've dealt with the clan cats before, I know how to fight them off. But you're still a kit, and to them you're no more than a mouse."

Ash lowered his gaze, still upset that he couldn't go, but he understood his mother's concern. She sighed and briskly ran her tongue over his head. Ash smiled a little for her, but he saw the worry in his mother's eyes.

"Please, just wait here for me, all right?" She whispered, love tinting her voice. Ash nodded solemnly, and she turned to leave again. Ash watched her go as she bounded out of the den, straight across the clearing, and disappeared into the undergrowth.

The sun had been high in the sky when she left. Now it was late in the evening, and the sun started to dip behind the tips of the treetops. Ash sighed and settled his chin on his paws. He imagined himself running through the grass, feeling the coolness of the green plants and stirring up bees and bugs from the flowers. _One day_ , he told himself.

Suddenly, a rustling came from across the clearing. He perked his ears up and ducked under the roots just enough so he could still see who was coming. The brambles shook, and the light gray pelt of his mother, nearly identical to his, streaked across the grass. She swiftly leaped down into the hollow, and shook her pelt of dust and pollen.

Ash was at her side instantly, weaving himself between her legs. "I thought you were never coming back!" He mewled.

She dropped the blackbird and a piece of soaking moss she had been carrying and quickly ran her tongue back over his forehead. "Of course I came back. I couldn't leave you here forever, could I?"

When she had settled, she split the blackbird enough for them to share. Ash drank the water from the moss, and nestled himself in the curve of his mother's belly. Her heartbeat was still pounding from being outside. As the sun began to set, both of them started to fall asleep, but not before Ash could ask more questions about the outside world.

"What's it like deeper in the forest?" He asked first, resting his head on the warm fur of his mother.

She sighed, predicting a long stream of questions was coming. "It's not that different from here. Some places have different types of trees, and there's a river not too far from here."

"Really?" His eyes widened. He had no idea what a river was, but it sounded amazing. "Will...will you take me there?" He asked, knowing she would refuse.

To his surprise, his mother actually thought about it for a moment. "Maybe." She said hesitantly. "When you grow up some more, we might be able to go outside for just a little bit."

Ash was overcome with excitement. Finally! He was going to get to see the outside! He felt restless, and his tail swished back and forth. He felt his mother push down on his back, attempting to calm him.

"We won't be going yet. Not until you're almost as big as I am, got it?" Ash nodded, and calmed himself. He compared himself to his mother, and he was about a third of her size. _It'll take moons for me to get that big!_

Despite his worry, he felt happy. At least he knew he wouldn't be stuck in here forever. Looking up at his mother, he noticed her eyes were closed as she rested her chin on her paws. Her tail was curled around him protectively and nearly touched her own nose. Ash felt tired, but not enough to sleep.

He wanted to speak, but he was scared of annoying her or waking her if she was already asleep. A single question had burned in his mind for moons, and he felt as if he should finally ask it now.

"Mother?"

"Mhmm?" She mumbled sleepily.

"Why...do clan cats hate us?"

With that question, his mother opened her eyes. She stared blankly, almost dazed by the question. She sat up, and looked at him with her tired eyes. "I...I don't know." She mumbled at first. Her voice cleared when she continued, "The clan cats have a set of rules called a _Warrior_ _Code_. One of the rules include keeping trespassers out of their territory."

Ash felt uncomfortable, at the thought of being considered a trespasser. He never even left the den, and only he and his mother ever used the hollow. They should be allowed to live peacefully, without being enemies to cats he had never even met.

His mother blinked, and looked at her paws. "They claim these woods are their land, and they will fight anyone they find in them." She sank her claws into the cold earth. "They are vicious, and have little mercy, even to the cats in other clans."

"There are more than one?" Ash said, his eyes widening. How many clan cats were there?

She nodded, "Four of them. The other three won't bother us unless we're in their territory. Right now, Thunderclan is our only problem."

"Thunderclan?" Ash repeated, whispering to himself. This was all new to him, and he realized now just how frightening the clans were. There was so much he didn't know, and there were more clan cats than he ever imagined.

His mother nodded again, looking more tired at each thought of the clans. "If I could, I would leave the den, get as far away from this place as possible; but I have you to protect, and you can't go on such a long journey as young as you are." When she had noticed Ash looked upset, she smiled softly. "But, I would much rather be here with you"

That cheered Ash up a little bit. He didn't want to be a burden to his mother. With the question out of his mind, he felt more at ease. He rested his head back down on her belly, and she put her head on her paws, watching him as her eyes started to flutter with tiredness. "Did that answer your question?" She asked, whispering.

"I suppose so." He yawned. "Just one last thing..."

His mother grumbled in response, her eyes closed again. "No more questions for tonight. Goodnight, Ash."

Ash sighed, but closed his own eyes. "Okay, fine. Goodnight, mother."  


	2. Chapter 2

Ash could only faintly remember what his mother had said to him before she left. He had felt her paw gently prodding his side, attempting to wake him up. He only groaned tiredly, and rolled over in response. He felt her paw again, a little harder this time. Ash only groaned louder.

"Ash," She whispered to him, a sense of urgency in her voice. "I'm going out for a bit. I'll be back later, don't leave the den, and keep an eye out for strangers, alright?" Ash mumbled again, not fully understanding. He managed to open one of his eyes, but only caught her leaping up out of the den and into the forest, leaving him in his nest.

After Ash had actually woken up, he realized he had slept in. He couldn't tell the time of day, because the sky was clouded over, and heavy rain had begun to fall. Ash crouched in his usual spot, watching the storm as it cleansed the forest.

The world really changed when it rained. The air felt cleaner, there was less erratic bird call, and everything felt calmer. He watched the rhythmic drip of water on the bramble leaves beside the den, they crawled from one leaf to another before finally dropping onto the ground. He managed to reach his head out of the den slightly and catch a few drops on his tongue.

When he had drank enough, Ash stretched his jaws wide as his yawned again, letting a slightly embarrassing squeak out while doing so. After a short attempt to stay awake, his head fell to his paws, and he dozed off again.

His sleep was disturbed by a distant caterwaul. His head snapped up and his ears were forward in alert. It was night now, and now the rain was falling even heavier than earlier. The beat of it against the earth was hard to hear over. But eventually he could make out the voice...no, _voices_ of several cats. He couldn't understand what they were saying, but they sounded angry.

Ash immediately dipped his head under the roots where he had watched his mother come home the day before. He tried to keep himself still, but his paws were shaking and his whiskers were frantically twitching. As the voices grew ever closer, he nearly stopped breathing.

A quiet sloshing of deliberate pawsteps came from above him. They were uneven, as if they were searching for something. The pawsteps stopped right above him, and he saw a bit of dirt fall from the edge of the roots. Whoever was out there, was looking right into the den.

There was silence, as both of them waited. Ash heard a louder voice, a bit aways off, and the cat above him scrambled backwards. He heard their pawsteps quickly run away from the den, and back into the forest. Ash exhaled all the breath he had been holding and slumped backward against the roots.

The exhale was cut short as a huge body dropped onto the floor of the den, nearly making Ash jump out of his fur. But when he recognized the dripping gray pelt of his mother, he nearly felt overcome with relief. She put a small lump of fur down beside her before looking up frantically.

"Ash?" She whispered in a panicked voice, looking desperately around the back of the den. Ash tumbled out from under the roots and ran to her, falling onto her paws. She gasped in relief. "Oh thank goodness, for a moment I was sure they found you."

Ash sat up, his fur still sticking up on end. "I thought they found _you!_ " He cried. His mother just wrapped her tail comfortingly around him, but her eyes showed no signs of being content.

"They did." She said hushedly, sounding defeated. "They were after me because of this" She stood, and circled around a small piece of prey she had been carrying. Ash stared at it, and realized, it was still moving.

...It was a kit!

He moved closer, and realized the kit was crouched and shaking. They had white fur with gray patches, their wide eyes were a beautiful pale blue. When his mother had gone to check the entrance in case more clan cats showed up, he tried to speak to them.

"H-hello." he spoke quietly, not only because he wanted to be gentle with the kit, but because he himself was frightened. He had never truly seen another cat before besides his mother, let alone speak to one. He continued softly, "I'm Ash, what's your name?"

The kit just stared at him, and glanced wearily around the den. "I'm....I'm Aspenkit." Ash flicked his ears, trying to ignore their strange name. But before he could speak they spoke again. "Where am I? Who are you cats? What do you want with me?"

Ash blinked in confusion at the sudden questions, and tried to understand them. "We...I don't know. But I promise you're safe here." Both of them looked up as Ash's mother approached them, towering over them both.

"That's right. You're safe now," She spoke gently. Aspenkit seemed to relax at the sound of her voice, and let themself completely drop to the floor. Ash went up to them and ran his tail comfortingly over their back.

That night, as the rain fell heavily, all three of them slept against each other. Aspenkit had fell asleep instantly with exhaustion. His mother was sleeping soundly too, but Ash couldn't help but to just stare at the tiny kit. _Who are you?_ He kept wondering.

His mother couldn't have given birth to them, she was at least Ash's age. She smelled strange, not like the earthy scents of the den, but rather like the sweet scent of flowers. And what did those Clan cats want with her? Could this kit have done something wrong among them?

He recalled his mother's words, how clan cats would kill kits or trespassers. Perhaps the kit had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ash shook his head, but the thoughts kept coming to him.

_Who are you?_

Eventually Ash fell asleep, and the moon passed over the sky, coming into the dawn. Ash awoke well into the day, tired from staying up late. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes, and realized the den was empty. Even the kit was gone. _Was it a dream? No,_ he told himself. _I can still smell their scent._

Ash sat in his normal spot near the roots, and figured that would've been the end of it, but every occasional night, his mother would return with a different kit. They all looked different, and some of them smelled differently than others. There was no pattern to it, except that they all had -kit names. Smokekit, Featherkit, Finchkit, and so on.

He questioned his mother, of course, but every time she would dismiss him or tell him he was worrying too much. Eventually, he got sick of unanswered questions.

One night, his mother was gone later than usual, and he suspected this would be the night she brought home another kit. Ash arose from his spot on the roots, which had begun to shrink. Or perhaps he was growing. Either way, he made a careful step outside of the den, onto the cool grass. A shiver ran up his spine, but he forced himself to go completely outside the den.

Out here, he felt exposed. His den was small and sheltered. But here there was only the grass and some of the brambles to hide him. But no matter where he was, he felt as if _something_ could see him. _I'm not scared._ He reassured himself.

Every step he took led him further away from the den. He tried to smell his mother, but all the smells of the woodland was overwhelming, and he couldn't pinpoint hers. Ash kept walking, jumping at the slightest movement.

He looked upward, past the canopy of leaves. A full moon shone between a few wisps of clouds. He was glad, the bright moon made it easier to find his way among the thick brambles. _It makes it easier for predators to see you_. His conscious whispered back. He realized that his pale gray face was easy to see in the moonlight, only making him anxious again.

Eventually ash came to the edge of a path. It looked unused, but it still carried the smell of cats. Could that belong to the clans? He started at the loud cry of a cat. Ash realized it was overwhelmingly close. More voices erupted with it, and they began to grow even closer.

Ash was frozen at the edge of the path. He breathed heavily, wondering if he should run or hide. He managed to crouch down, just enough so that anyone wouldn't see him if they weren't being cautious enough.

Anxiety boiled in his stomach until he heard their movement through the trees. A single cat leaped through, coming down the path. As the cat passed directly in front of him, time seemed to stop. He and the cat locked eyes for half a heartbeat, but it was enough for both of them to register each other.

His mother, carrying another tiny kit, turned to look at him. Her green eyes filled with shock and fear for her son. Ash tried to call out to her, but he couldn't breathe a word. Both of them had never felt more panicked in their life.

 

 

She had too much momentum to stop, and before he could do anything a mob of cats came tumbling after her. They were hissing and shouting at her. Ash watched in horror as his mother ran, faster than all of them, swerving around the path back into the forest. The other cats didn't falter as they followed after her.

They were out of sight, but he could still hear their screams. Ash shook himself and started running. He didn't care where he ended up, just not here! His pelt was scratched and bruised as he sprinted past thick brambles, they snagged at his pelt but he kept moving forward. His foot caught on a winding root and he felt himself fall, hard onto his head.

His consciousness fled him, and felt the senses drain from his body.

And in a moment all was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

As the darkness of his unconsciousness seemed to slowly ebb away, Ash could make out muffled voices around him.

"Do you really think...?" A she-cat's voice spoke, in a scared whisper.

"No, I don't." A deeper, more gruff voice responded. He sounded closer to Ash, as if he was standing right over him. "I know what everyone's been saying, but..."

"It's obvious though, isn't it? We should do something before-"

"Quiet already!" The deep voice hissed. "You might wake him."

"Look, would you just-"

"No."

"Badger-"

"Just drop it already."

"...Fine."

Ash heard the distancing pawsteps lead away from him. Slowly, but carefully, Ash tried to open his exhausted eyes. He was blinded by the sharp light at first, but soon his vision cleared. He saw a black tom, with long shaggy fur standing in what appeared to be some type of cave with his back turned to Ash.

His head felt heavy, as if he had been asleep for ages. He tried to stand, but his legs wouldn't support his weight correctly, and he stumbled back down. The black tom turned, seeing he was awake and rushed over to him, pushing his paw down on his back.

"Stay down, you're not badly injured, just dazed. It's alright now."

As he said that, Ash realized he wasn't alright. He didn't know this cat. And he had no idea where he was. He struggled more against the tom's hefty paw, but he only pressed harder down. Using his teeth, he bit down hard on the black cat's paw. He recoiled, letting a pained grunt as he did so.

Just as his grip loosened, Ash made a run toward the mouth of the den. He didn't stop as he brushed past the stone walls on either side of him. He skid to a halt as reached the mouth of the den.

Bright light shone down from the treetops, clearly he had been asleep for almost a whole day. Around him, he noticed several cats were sitting in what appeared to be a low ravine. They individually turned to look at him, intrigued by his appearance.

Ash panted harder, in the gripping realization that he must be in the very heart of one of the clans. But he didn't care which one, he just knew that all of his instincts told him to get out of here. Desperately looking for an escape to the ravine, he noticed some of the cats were sitting up, as if wondering if they should go to him. Their gazes bore into him, and he could feel the hostility in the air begin to rise like smoke.

Something pressed up against his back, startling him into the only defense he had. He swiped, feeling the thick fur of the black tom's pelt part as his claws slashed at him. Ash darted away as he understood what he just did, and the tom only flinched. Ash wondered if he had hurt him at all, until he could see a few red drops of blood trickling between his fur.

Ash stammered to apologize, "I-I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"Shh. It's alright. Just come here for a second, okay?" He whispered, keeping his gaze on the rest of the cats but tapping his tail to signal him closer. Ash carefully drew closer, but only because more cats had started making their way towards them. Soon there was an overwhelming amount of cats, especially since Ash was used to there being only one in his life.

In that heartbeat, he realized his mother was still out there. He saw her get away, but she had no idea where he was. _I have to go find her!_

Before he could plan his escape, parting the crowd, a muscular calico cat stood before him. The other cats hushed, waiting for him to speak. Ash immediately guessed that he was the one in charge.

He tilted his head up, looking down at the kit as if he were merely a nuisance. "I see you've awoken." His voice was deep and raspy, "I am Cardinalstar, and these are my clan mates." He gestured to the cats around him with his tail. The cats stood proudly as he introduced them, as if they were proud to live under his rule. Ash couldn't see why. "And tell us, who are you?"

Ash attempted to make eye-contact, but the leader's green eyes stared intensely at him, waiting for an answer. The eyes of the other cats followed his, and he felt the gazes of everyone on him. He answered quietly. "I'm...Ash."

Cardinalstar's sharp eyes narrowed, studying the small gray tom closely. "Tell me, where are you from?"

The surrounding cats seemed to lean in, eager for an answer. Backing up, he bumped into the cat he had scratched before. He glanced upward, making eye contact with him. Ash was surprised to see the worry in his eyes, as if he was cautioning him to make the right choices.

"I'm..." Ash started, contemplating his answer. "I'm from...really far away."

The crowd sat back, murmuring their thoughts to one another. He looked back up at the black tom, and he only shrugged in response. He technically hadn't lied, he had no idea where his home was. But he assumed it wasn't near here.

The leader raised his tail for silence amongst the whispering, and looked back down at Ash, doubt clouding his eyes now. "Is that so? You came here alone then?"

"Um...yeah." His ear flicked. The crowd sat in silence, as if they were expecting more. _Just leave me alone!_ He wanted to wail. He realized that he was subconsciously trying to bury himself in the black tom's fur. For some reason, he felt less afraid of him than the others. Perhaps it was the fear they both shared at this moment.

Cardinalstar looked at him for a little longer, but only blinked calmly. He rose, and turned to leave. "Very well then. Come, let him rest for now." He beckoned his followers, and with a low mumbling the cats all dispersed one by one.

Ash exhaled as the tension cleared. He was still scared, but it felt as if all his energy had been used up just to speak to the clan cats. He shrank back in exhaustion, realizing the black tom was still there, standing behind him.

"Thank Starclan that's over." He grumbled just loud enough for Ash to hear. He looked down at him with his dull gray eyes. "Would you like to come back inside now?"

Ash just stared back, and in his exhaustion all he could do is nod. They slowly walked back inside the leafy den, relishing in the peaceful space it provided. The tom gestured toward the mossy bedding Ash had awoken from earlier. "You can rest there if you'd like. I'll get you some water."

Ash sat down, he wasn't sleepy anymore but he felt worn out. He watched the black cat pull a bundle of leaves out from a small hole in the wall, searching for one in particular. They both sat in silence as he searched, and Ash knew he had to break it. "Why did you do that?"

The black cat turned with moss in his mouth, his long bulky fur swinging as he did. "Do what? Help you?" He made his way over to Ash, dropping the damp piece of moss at his tiny gray paws. "I couldn't just leave you there to fend yourself alone. Plus, it's my job to help any cat in need. That is the role of a Medicine cat, other than interpreting signs and speaking to Starclan."

Ash was slowly drinking his moss as he listened to him. He didn't really understand what he was talking about, but he suddenly realized how dehydrated he had been. It must have been since yesterday morning he had drank anything. Sinking his teeth into the soft bundle, he squeezed the water out into his mouth. When he had drank enough, he pushed the small plant aside.

"By the way, my name is Badgerheart, and this is Thunderclan."

Ash looked up at him, fear igniting inside him. He may have no idea what he meant by interpreting signs, but he could understand that he for one was definitely in a clan, specifically Thunderclan, the one his mother had warned him most about.

Badgerheart hadn't noticed his fear, and was sorting out the herbs he had pulled out earlier. Ash shivered, and said in a low, shy voice. "What do you clan cats even want with me?"

Badgerheart looked a little taken back by the comment, but continued to answer calmly. "Well, we don't really want anything from you, it's just we found you unconscious in the woods, and we couldn't just leave you there."

"So I can leave then?" His eyes sparked up, but dimmed again as the black tom only frowned.

Badgerheart shook his head. "Not yet. We can't just let a kit wander around the woods, It would be against the warrior code. And I know you lied about coming here alone. I think everyone picked up on that..." He mumbled, but continued in a more normal tone. "But I promise, as soon as we find your mother and-or father, we will return you to them. You wouldn't happen to share their names, would you?"

Ash would have told him, but he suddenly realized he didn't know his mother's real name. Living isolated by himself, he just assumed she was his mother, and he was Ash. And his father...he had no idea what a father was. His mother never spoke about one, and he had never met one. Ash felt embarrassed, and just shrugged in response.

Badgerheart sighed, but dismissed it. "Oh well. We'll still do our best to return you home." Ash looked at the genuine care in his eyes. He meant what he said. Perhaps his mother had been wrong, maybe the clans weren't so bad after all.

At that moment, a large shadow appeared at the entrance of the den, marching in with purpose. "Badgerheart!" the voice growled. It was deep and brittle. Ash cowered slightly at the large cat walking in. "Where is he? Where is the rogue!?"

"Stop shouting Brickjaw!" Badgerheart hissed, standing defensively in front of Ash's small body. Ash tried to peek from behind him, and saw a massive black and white tom. His mouth was noticeably scarred with several scratches, and all that remained for his tail was just a small tuft of fur. Ash immediately figured this guy was trouble.

"I was on patrol, and I heard that he was awake." He sneered, making eye contact with Ash's shy gaze. "We need to get rid of him _now_."

"He's hurt, he needs to wait longer to heal properly." The medicine cat's fur stood on end, although he was trying his best to stay patient. "He's not leaving until I say he can leave."

Brickjaw snorted. "And when will that be, huh? You wont be able to say much once he kills you in your sleep." Ash was shocked by his accusation. He would never kill anyone! Shrinking back further, He left Badgerheart standing furiously in front of him, willing to protect him at all cost.

Brickjaw stopped, and looked the medicine cat up and down, his lip slowly curling up. "What happened? You're bleeding." He pointed a paw at Badgerheart's chest which had been torn earlier by Ash.

He lifted his tail and covered the scratches. "It's nothing. Just an accident."

The black and white tom rolled his eyes in detest. "And that's not proof enough that he's dangerous? He hurt you of all cats, Badgerheart. If you can't see that's a bad omen, then I worry for our future."

And with that he turned, marching out of the den with as much aggression as when he came in. Badgerheart stood awhile longer, his eyes wide in shock and anger. Eventually he sighed, letting his fur sit flat again. He turned to Ash, sympathy in his eyes. "Please excuse my brother. He has quite a temper."

"That was your brother?" Ash gasped in astonishment. How could such a calm cat be related to a brute like that? Badgerheart nodded, but more sadly.

"I know he means well. He can be really kind and gentle once you get to know him." he sighed, attempting to smile. "He's just trying to do his best as deputy, and he's trying to protect me most of all." Growling in a deeper voice to himself he added, "But I don't need protection, I'm practically as old as a badger for goodness sake."

Ash stared at him, but Badgerheart only shook his long fur out and smiled at him. "Well, nevermind. I suppose I should continue tending to you now."

"But I feel fine." Ash lied. He didn't really hurt, he just felt tired and nauseous from all the aggression he's faced so far. And the sinking feeling of knowing it wasn't going to end soon.

Badgerheart dismissed him with a wave of his tail. "No matter, I'll still check you over. You seem like you got a lot of bruises from last night..." He trailed off as he started fussing over a mixture of leaves and herbs.

Ash crouched, staring blankly out towards the entrance where he knew cats would still be staring at bitterly, waiting for him to leave the den. He was an enemy to cats he didn't even know, but he had no intention of staying long. He thought of his mother, who was probably worrying and searching the woods everywhere for him.

_I'm so sorry for making you worry,_ He thought, _but I promise I'll find you eventually._


	4. Chapter 4

The sun touched the tips of the trees for the fifth time since Ash had first awoken. Five long, treacherous days had passed, and living amongst the clan cats wasn't becoming easier. The sun was setting now, and most of the warriors (which he had learnt meant the cats who hunted and fought for the clan) were returning from their daily patrols.

He watched them as groups would come and go from the entrance of the camp. They would come with prey hanging from their teeth, proudly placing them in a pile in the middle of the camp. They would glance towards the medicine den for only a second, then turn away again.

There had been no news of his mother.

Ash swallowed, his stomach felt hollow with worry. Surely by now someone would have caught a glimpse of her, or she would have come looking for him. He thought back to the last time he had seen her, that heartbeat they had made eye contact in the forest. What if he had distracted her, and the clan cats had caught up to her?

He shook his head. He didn't want to think about it.

He decided he needed a distraction. Standing up, he turned and walked back to where Badgerheart was audibly complaining to himself. Ash sat behind him and watched as the herbs piled around his big hefty paws. "What's wrong?" he asked curiously. He had grown closer to the medicine cat, and he didn't feel fear around him anymore.

Badgerheart sighed, "We're out of marigold." He sat back defeatedly, "I thought we had some more but..." He gestured to the mess of leaves on the ground. "I'm going to have to make another trip upstream to get some before the sun's gone."

Ash stood back in surprise as he stood, starting to make his way to the entrance. _He's going now?_ "W-wait a second, what's so important about Marigold in the first place? Can't you wait until tomorrow?"

Badgerheart stopped, and let out a deep sigh. "Marigold has many uses, such as healing infections and easing joint pain in elders." He said, as if he had rehearsed in saying this. "I have a condition, in which my bones ache like an elder's would, only I've had it since I was very young. The marigold helps ease the pain slightly, and it's the reason I'm always so slow and unsteady."

Ash glanced at the thick-furred tom's legs. He had thought that was because he was old, not because of a serious condition. 

"It's also the reason I'm here, serving as the medicine cat. I could never become a warrior like this." He sighed, sounding sad. _Is that why he never told me?_ Ash wondered.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't become a warrior, you would probably hate me if you did." Ash said. He realised afterwards that could easily have been taken the wrong way, but thankfully Badgerheart just smiled genuinely.  

"Thank you, but I still need to get that marigold tonight or else I'll be nest-ridden tomorrow morning."

Ash looked up again as he saw him continuing to leave. He seemed to walk heavier now that Ash was aware of his condition. Then thoughts started processing in his head, and he came to a decision. Taking a deep breath, he blurted out, "I...I could come with you, if you wanted..."

The black cat's ear twitched, and he turned to face him with a look. It was both concern, and confusion, as if he were wondering what could have possibly made the shy cat decide to come with him.

He just gulped, and continued on, "I..just thought that you could use some help, and I don't want to be left alone anyway..."

Badgerheart just kept staring, but finally nodded. "Alright, you can come." Ash smiled and came up beside him, brushing his pelt against his. "It's not too far, just to our border. We should be back before dark."

The two began padding out the den, side by side. When the copper sunlight struck their faces, the few cats who were left in the camp turned to face them; mainly Ash. He gulped, there wasn't any going back now.

He followed closely as they made their way to the camp exit. Badgerheart stepped with purpose, and walked in stride. Ash felt like he was shrinking with each uneasy pawstep. The gazes of nearby warriors bore into him like fire. Thankfully, none of them moved from their spots.

Finally, they reached the camp wall. The sandstone walls were split, and a gateway of brambles formed a leafy tunnel leading upwards. Peering curiously up the slope, Ash could see it was narrow, and a tinge of orange sky was visible at the other end.

Ash was about to walk forward when suddenly dark shadow fell over him. He turned around, seeing the tall figure of Cardinalstar blocking out the sun. His face was hardly visible against the light, yet Ash could tell he wasn't happy.

"H-here Ash," he felt a paw nudge his backside. "You start making your way up, I have to talk to Cardinalstar for a moment." There was a little bit of fear in his voice.

Ash hesitated, but quickly started climbing the path. Brambles tugged on his gray fur as he walked through. He paused for a moment when he heard them speaking quietly from behind him.

Badgerheart murmured, "We're just going to retrieve some herbs, by the river-"

"And you didn't ask me first if that was okay? He wasn't suppose to leave camp." Cardinalstar's voice was grim, and it sent shivers up his spine.

"It'll be fine. I'll keep an eye on him at all times."

"Just like you're doing now?"

A pause between both of them. Ash's heart jolted and he kept climbing, in case one of them checked to see if he was eavesdropping. Coming to the top of the ravine, he shook himself of the leaves and thorns that had snagged his fur, but froze in awe when he saw the scenery stretched before him.

Tall oak trees reached as far up as he could see, and thin streaks of sunlight shone through their branches. The wind had died, and everything felt still. The last time he had seen the forest, it had been night time. Things had looked so different then, shrouded in moonlight. Even when a bird called out loudly, it did not shake Ash from his wonder.

"Hey, you alright?" The voice of Badgerheart made him jump. He turned to see the large tom pull out of the brambles with ease, and came to stand next to Ash. "First time leaving camp is always an achievement for kits. I remember my first time..."

Ash wasn't really listening, his ears were pricked towards the trees. He thought about the possibility of finding his mother out there. _Don't worry. I'll find you soon. I know I will._ He thought, hoping his mother could somehow hear his inner voice. A thick tail brushed in front of his nose.

"Come on, we need to leave before the sun sets completely." Badgerheart said, as he trotted into the overgrowth. Ash hurriedly followed behind him.

Thin rays of sun warmed his pelt, and the fresh air filled him with a new energy. Being trapped in that musty den was exhausting, and he finally felt as if he were free from the clan cats. Badgerheart ducked under as they passed by a fallen log. Ash climbed over it instead, making him realize how much he had grown.

He walked up beside Badgerheart, who smiled warmly at him. He smiled back, but he was focusing more on their height. Badgerheart was a large cat, so comparing their height together wasn't' completely fair. But his eyes were level just above the tom's belly, meaning he was just a little over half his height.

When he thought about it, his memories of sharing prey with his mother seemed so distant now. Before all the mysterious kits, before he had left the den, he remembered resting against her side, practically no larger than a squirrel. Ash took a breath, and silently confirmed with himself, that he was indeed growing up.

They both came to a stop as they reached a break in the trees. Ash heard a sound, like hissing cats. Was there a fight happening? Ash slowly crept forward, and peered from behind Badgerheart. Before them was a wide stretch of water, rushing vigorously onward. Ash had never seen so much water in his life.

"This is our border, the marigold shouldn't be far." Together they walked cautiously beside the rushing water, Ash looked down at it as white foam bubbled at the edge and around smooth stones. Badgerheart talked over the rumble of water. "Riverclan is on the other side of the stream. They can swim in this river easily, and catch fish in it."

Something about that caught in Ash's throat like thorns. "The river? _This_ is the river?" he choked.

"That's right. Why?" He asked. Ash couldn't respond. He kept thinking back to his mother's promise, she had said she would take him to the river eventually. Grief rained down on him as he never got the chance to go with her. But another feeling was there too. A small hope, that maybe this meant she was close by. He now felt comforted watching the glimmering ripples as they ebbed by his paws.

Badgerheart didn't ask anymore, and eventually they both stopped. A tall formation of rocks was silhouetted against the sky as the path opened up to a clearing.

"This is Sunning Rocks. It's often being invaded by Riverclan, but it seems quiet today. We can gather marigold here." He started sniffing around it's edge, placing his paws carefully in the marsh. Ash watched him, and copied his movement. He sniffed more by the trees where it was less wet.

He sneezed when he got a whiff of a strong fragrance. A bundle of yellow flowers was hidden by the reeds, and it's scent reminded Ash of the den they shared. "Is this it?" He called out. Badgerheart padded over to him and put his nose to where Ash stood.

"Yes, that's marigold! Well done, you're quite good at scenting." A tail rested on his back as Badgerheart praised him. Ash smiled, and watched as Badgerheart cleanly bit a stalk off with his teeth.

\--

The sun had finally gone down for the night, and the sky was a deep blue now. They had decided to rest before heading back to camp, and sat together on the smooth rocks by the shoreline, listening to the peaceful sound of the river.

Badgerheart stood closer to the edge, his silhouette was all that could be seen now. Ash stretched out on the cooling rocks, glad to finally be away from that prison of a camp. Despite having thought of it earlier, he hadn't once looked for his mother. He felt bad, but at the same time he enjoyed being able to relax for once.

"I've been thinking," Badgerheart's low voice cut above the sound of water. "I'm getting older by every sunrise. I'm not going to be around for much longer." Ash didn't understand what he meant, but just listened on in silence.

"I need an apprentice, someone who can learn everything I know, and replace me when my time comes. If you were my apprentice, the clan cats would respect you more, and you would be allowed out of camp when you wanted. You wouldn't have to fight or hunt, what we did today was just a taste of what being a medicine cat is."

Ash pricked his ears but still said nothing. The idea of being respected sounded nice, and he liked Badgerheart, so he wouldn't mind spending more time with him. But at the same time...

"If..." He paused, "If you wanted to find your mother, there might be a way to make sure she's still alive too."

Ash blinked and stared wide eyed at him. Why hadn't he told him this sooner? "Really?" he whispered, not because he was trying to stay quiet, but because his excitement felt as if it had knocked all the air from his lungs.

"But only if you're my apprentice." He concluded, turning to Ash, his dark eyes flickering. Ash thought hard about it, and decided he would rather have a slimmer of hope that she was alive then rather worry everyday about her. He nodded slowly, sealing his fate in the paws of Badgerheart.  


	5. Chapter 5

When Badgerheart first proposed the idea of becoming his apprentice, he hadn't mentioned the ceremony it would require.

"Step forward." Cardinalstar's booming voice echoed over the muttering of cats who surrounded him. Ash quivered in fear as his soon-to-be-mentor stood amongst the crowd, giving an encouraging smile once in awhile. It didn't really help, as Ash just wanted to get this over with.

Cardinalstar stood on a towering boulder, one that he could see everything and everybody in camp. It also made him seem taller, more fierce and commanding. Next to the rock was Brickjaw, the large aggressive brother of Badgerheart. He had learned that he was the "deputy", or rather the second in command of Thunderclan. He sneered angrily and his short tail was flicking. Ash was in no hurry to get closer to him.

"I said, _step forward_." Cardinalstar said again, louder this time. His patience was clearly already thin, so Ash inhaled some courage and took a couple paces toward the rock that loomed before him.

The leader spoke again, not quite as loudly. " _Ash,_ " he said his name like it were poisonous. "You have been living with us for nearly half a moon now. Do you wish to become a full time apprentice and part of Thunderclan?"

 _Not really_. He thought silently, not daring to say that out loud. He just tried to remind himself of everything Badgerheart promised him. _My mother._ He breathed in and answered quietly, "Yes, I do."

Cardinalstar blinked, and raised his gaze to the crowd around him. "Then from this day on, until you are trained proficiently in the way of a medicine cat, you will be known as Ashpaw." Ash's heart jolted. _Wait, no! I don't want a new name!_ He wanted to scream, but instead he just looked desperately at Badgerheart.

He didn't look back though, as Cardinalstar addressed him. "Badgerheart, you have convinced me to let you train this apprentice. I will trust your judgement, and I hope you can pass on your wisdom and nobility for Thunderclan onto him."

Badgerheart nodded, and stepped through the crowd towards Ashpaw. He leaned in to touch his nose to his, but Ashpaw just buried his face in his pelt to seek comfort. He seemed startled, but just calmly wrapped his tail around his apprentice and pulled him closer into the embrace. He didn't even hear when the cat's half-heartedly cheered his new name.

That had been almost a moon ago, and nothing exciting had happened since. Badgerheart started to teach him basic remedies and herb names, and like he had originally predicted the clan cats started to care less about Ashpaw's presence. He even managed to treat one of the elders for ticks without getting his nose bit off.

It was sunhigh now, and although it was considerably warm outside, the den was cool and musty as always. The two nests they slept in had gradually grown closer together. Ashpaw hadn't even noticed it. He had become so comfortable living with the medicine cat that he almost felt as if he were home.

Almost.

"Which one of these is chervil?" Badgerheart prompted him from beside him. Ashpaw carefully examined the two identical herbs laying in front of him. He outstretched his paw, touching the herb to his left. "Very good! You're a natural at identifying herbs." Badgerheart said in admiration.

Ashpaw shrugged. "The other one just smells different." He mumbled. This praise was nothing new. Everything he did Badgerheart acted as if he were doing something special or unique. He was grateful for the praise, but all of it was unnecessary. He wasn't even that interested in herb duty, he just wanted to know Badgerheart's plan to find his mother.

But the old tom hadn't talked about it since that night on Sunning Rocks. Any time Ashpaw tried to bring it up, he would just change the subject or make him do work. He had only agreed to this apprenticeship for the chance to find his mother, not to take care of cats he didn't care about. He sighed, and blinked tiredly at the ground.

"By the way, I was meaning to tell you," His mentor started talking while sweeping up the herbs, "tonight is a special night. You've been training for half a moon, and tonight at last the moon is halved."

"A half moon." Ashpaw corrected him.

"Right," He nodded. "There are medicine cats in the other clans too. Each half moon we travel northwards toward Highstones together, a large mountain on the edge of the clans. Once we're there, we will see... _something_."

Ashpaw's ear flicked curiously, and waited for his mentor to continue. But when Badgerheart did not elaborate, he asked cautiously, "So...what is it we'll see?"

He only smiled ominously. "It's a surprise."

When the evening came and the day began to grow cooler, Ashpaw was given a small mixture of herbs from Badgerheart. He sniffed it, and he could smell sorrel and chamomile in it, as well as some other herbs. "What's this for?" He asked, pawing the odd bundle with a paw.

"It'll give you strength on our trip to Highstones. Hurry and eat, we're leaving in just a moment." and so he did, but not without a struggle. The herbs were bitter and tough, and it was hard to swallow. When he finally gulped it down, and Badgerheart had done the same (his smelling considerably more like marigold), he and Badgerheart walked together out of camp.

They walked in a new direction. Ashpaw had been out of camp many times since his apprenticeship began, but he had never gone this way before. The trail they walked on was barren, flattened by centuries worth of cats walking up and down it. Wherever this lead, it must have been important.

By the time they reached the edge of the forest, the sun was nearly set. They stopped on the edge of a small dip, and Badgerheart beckoned him forward eagerly. Ashpaw came to see what could have been so interesting, but his eyes stretched wide when he saw it.

Four towering oak trees sat in each corner of the hollow, each reaching higher than any other tree he'd seen before. In the center of this clearing they sheltered a large, shining boulder that glinted in the dying sun. It was breathtaking to say the least.

"This is Fourtrees." Badgerheart said. "It's where each clan gathers once a moon to meet in peace. It's a similar tradition to what we're doing tonight, only this meeting is for medicine cats only, and is much further. You might attend the gathering during the next full moon."

While listening to his lecture, Ashpaw thought he saw movement from behind the rock. A tail? It was long, thin, and gray. _It couldn't be._ Ashpaw darted down the slope, despite hearing Badgerheart holler out after him. _It couldn't. It can't be her._ He told himself this as he sped towards the rock.

But when he turned the corner, he saw a large gray tabby cat, much bigger than his mother. They turned to face him, their hard blue eyes wide and teeth bared in the beginning of a snarl. Immediately Ashpaw skid to a halt, and doubled back to run away. The cat began to give chase, but stopped when they saw Badgerheart bounding down the slope towards them.

"Ashpaw! What's the matter with you?" Then he looked up and saw the gray tabby. "Oh, I get it. This is Longstream, he's the medicine cat of Riverclan, not an intruder." Ashpaw hid behind his mentor and shook. That wasn't exactly what he was thinking, but he wasn't about to admit that.

Longstream nodded his broad head. "Indeed I am. And who is this young fella?"

"This is my new apprentice, Ashpaw." He proudly flicked Ashpaw's ear with his tail, as he always did. Ashpaw was a little scared by Longstream, he was big, although not as big as Badgerheart. A small scar nicked one of his ears. "Where's the troublemaker tonight?" He asked teasingly.

"Oh, she's' with the others up the hill. We're all here already, but I stayed here to greet you first."

"Well, thank you very much." Badgerheart laughed, and the two walked steadily together across the clearing. As Ashpaw followed more quietly behind them, he began to realize that these two must have been old friends, and felt a little excluded from their group.

As they climbed the opposite hill, Ashpaw took note that this grass was coarser than the grass in the forest. When they reached the top Ashpaw could see why. A wide, barren landscape covered in tall, spindly grass stretched for as far as he could see. There was no visible trees, and it contrasted everything that made up Thunderclan's territory.

The two seemed unwavered by it, and continued walking. There was so many new scents and sights for Ashpaw though, and he stopped to investigate everything. A small bunch of blue flowers, a prickly burr patch, a strange hole in the ground. It was all so fascinating to him. _I wonder if my mother has ever been here?_ Part of him wanted to be the first one here, so he could brag about it to her once he found her.

"Ashpaw, keep up!" Badgerheart shouted from far ahead. Forcing himself to ignore all the interesting new terrain, Ashpaw sprinted to catch up to them. But just before he reached the two cats he was thrown sideways by a heavy blow to his ribs.

He rolled, and he felt a weight land on him to keep him from moving. When he looked up he saw a small tortoiseshell she-cat standing over him, grinning impishly. "Who are you?" she asked, although she seemed more excited than malicious. Ashpaw was still terrified though, and he just blinked rapidly in response.

"Asterpaw, get off him!" Longstream called out, running back to grab the small cat by her scruff. When he had dragged her off, more cats came up to meet them, Badgerheart along with some others he didn't recognize.

"Oh for Starclan's sake..." Badgerheart rolled his eyes and helped get Ashpaw to his feet.

The she-cat struggled in Longstream's grip. "Let me go! I wanna meet him!"

Longstream dropped her and growled. "Then be more polite about it!" As soon as she was free, she came up to stand in front of Ashpaw, her fluffy tail swishing excitedly.

"Who are you?" she asked again, but before he could respond she said, "I'm Asterpaw. This is Longstream." She pointed her tail to the others. "And that's Morningtide, Crowthroat, Badgerheart-"

"Asterpaw!" Longstream growled again.

"Oh. Sorry. I'm just really excited to meet another apprentice!"

"I'm...Ashpaw." He finally said when she had stopped speaking.

A tall golden and white she-cat stepped forward and pushed Asterpaw aside. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Morningtide from Windclan. It's good to see Badgerheart finally got an apprentice." He heard a quiet complaint from his mentor when she said that.

Another cat, a sleek black and white tom stood where he was from behind Morningtide. "And I'm Crowthroat, Shadowclan medicine cat. Can we get a move on already? It's already getting dark." And he looked up towards the sky. It wasn't completely night yet, but the sun had entirely set and the stars were beginning to appear.

Badgerheart nodded from beside him. "Yes, I think we've all been acquainted by now. Let's get to Highstones before the moon is fully risen."

And as everyone silently agreed, they all began walking together. Ashpaw tried to stay near his mentor, but eventually began to fall back as the others wanted to talk to him too. These cats seemed friendly enough, or perhaps that was just because they didn't know of his origin. Either way, he was glad they weren't threatening. He still preferred not to talk to them though.

"So new guy," Asterpaw said as she walked beside him. Ashpaw took note that she was slightly bigger than him, both in height and width. "What do you think of being a medicine cat so far?"

"It's fine." he shrugged, he didn't tell her about how boring it was or how he'd much rather just go home. She probably wouldn't understand him anyway.

She sighed dramatically, "before you came I was the only apprentice. Even in my own clan, I didn't have any friends my age. Everything has been so boring, but now you're here-" she batted a paw at his face playfully. "-I finally got a friend! You will be my friend, right?"

Ashpaw swatted her paw away and looked at her large, pleading green eyes. He had no reason to say no, but he hardly knew her. The only thing she had done so far was pounce on him and annoy him. But she seemed nice, and Ashpaw was grateful for once not to have teeth at his neck.

"Sure." He nodded. She tripped up on her own paws as she skipped excitedly. Longstream called out to her to be careful, but she quickly got back up and she seemed like she were dancing the whole way on their journey.

As the group continued, they passed unnatural stone paths, and went through strange tunnels. But as the mountain grew ever closer, the grass became sparser and turned into craggy stone. The moon was nearly at it's peak when they came to a large cave entrance on the side of the mountain.

"This is it." Badgerheart said to Ashpaw. The others walked into the cave confidently while the other two held back and stared into its beckoning jaws. Ashpaw gulped as he watched Asterpaw's tail disappear into darkness as she slipped past the teeth of the cave.

He felt Badgerheart press himself against him and he whispered, "Don't worry, just follow my scent and stay close. What you are about to see is something only ever witnessed by few eyes, and must not be spoken about outside of here. Follow me." He stood, and walked confidently into the shadows of the cave. Ashpaw followed, more skittish and desperate to stay close.

The walls of the cave were narrow and damp. The fur of Badgerheart's tail tickled his nose in front of him, but at least it meant he was still going the right way. He heard nothing but the shuffling of others and the sound of his own heartbeat. After awhile of walking blindly for what seemed like ages, a faint light was visible against Badgerheart's figure. How could there be light when they were deep into a cavern like this?

As the passage opened more, Ashpaw came to stand in a grand opening next to the other cats. He had thought Fourtrees was impressive, but this was something entirely indescribable. A tall, crystallized rock towered above them, glowing with light. From the top of the cave, he could see the moonlight shining down, illuminating this rock.

"Welcome to the moonstone." Badgerheart breathed from beside him.

Crowthroat looked back at them, and rolled his eyes. "Thunderclan. So dramatic." he went and sat with the others near the base of the rock. Morningtide was whispering something to herself, while Asterpaw and Longstream had their noses pressed against its reflective surface.

Ashpaw followed Badgerheart as he too went to stand beside the moonstone. "Was this the surprise?" he asked quietly, too afraid to speak louder in the sacredness that the air held.

Badgerheart smiled. "Not quite. Press your nose to the stone, and close your eyes, then you'll see the surprise."

Ashpaw felt anxious about what more could possibly happen, but he complied as he crouched low and pressed his nose to the stone. It was cold, freezing even. But he held still, and clenched his eyes shut tight. He waited, hearing nothing except his own breathing. Nothing was happening, but he was too afraid to open his eyes just in case he ruined it somehow. Alone with his own mind, he tried to slow his worrying thoughts.

Then something changed.

He wasn't sure what, but he felt... _different_.

"Hey, get up." Badgerheart said from beside him, no longer whispering. "Open your eyes already you little furball."

Carefully, he pried his eyes open. The moonstone had vanished, and instead he was lying in a lush meadow. He would have thought it were mid-day if not for the wide expanse of stars circling above the trees. The contrast was overwhelming and his vision felt hazier here. Was this a dream? He swallowed, trying to catch his bearings. Somehow he came to the conclusion that this wasn't a dream, but he wasn't completely awake either.

"Remember when I said we could find out if your mother is alive?" He said, watching Ashpaw's reaction. "Well, this is how."

As he said that, the clearing somehow got even brighter. Ashpaw squinted his eyes to shield from the light, but when they adjusted he saw shapes, glimmering outlines of tens, no, hundreds of cats filling the meadow. Starlight speckled their pelts, and danced when they padded around to get a better look at him.

Badgerheart, who acted unwavered by the scene as if he had experienced this all before, continued his speech. "This is Starclan, the cats of the clans who have passed on, each from different generations and families. They live here among the stars, and guide us when times are hard. If your mother has passed on, she may be here."

Despite his bewilderment, Ashpaw understood. If he couldn't find her amongst the dead, she would have to be amongst the living, and that would mean there was still hope to find her. And if she was here, at least he could talk to her again.

He stood, his tiny white paws shaking in both fear and excitement. As he stepped cautiously towards the crowd, they moved around him, weaving in and out among each other and staring curiously at him. He examined their pelts, none of which were familiar to him, but he knew this wasn't a delusion. These cats had once been alive.

"H-hello?" he asked them. He wasn't exactly sure how to greet them. He was literally talking to ghosts. He looked back at Badgerheart, who was staring blankly at him. _Go on._ He seemed to say. He took a deep breath. "Uhm, Hello, I'm Ashpaw, I'm training to be a medicine cat in Thunderclan, and uh, I was just wondering if any of you knew my mother?"

The cats looked at each other, not saying a word, but rather communicating through gestures. Some blinked, while other's whiskers twitched as if they were snickering. "She was a rogue," He continued, "She had gray fur like mine, and she was really pretty, and really nice. I just want to know if she's here?"

Again, the cats seemed unhelpful. He noticed cats look at each other, as if they did know he was talking about, but they did not respond. Some even began to leave, as if Ashpaw had wasted their time. "Please, you must know her!" more cats began to leave. "Even if she's not here, some of you must have known her once before, right?" the clearing was nearly empty. "Please! I just want to see her again!"

The last of the cats skirted out, leaping into the gorse surrounding the meadow or bounding into the shadows of the trees. By the time they had all left, Ashpaw stood defeated in the center of the clearing. His one chance at finding his mother, and it hadn't helped a bit. For a moment, he felt as if the world was going to crash down on him, when he heard Badgerheart move behind him.

His mentor stood still, his eyes closed but a small smile on his face. "Ashpaw, don't you see?" he looked up, his eyes carrying a strange glimmer. "She's not here. _Your mother is alive_."  


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I've been so busy with school, and as soon as the chapter was done I got an art block and had dead wifi for a few days. But i'm back! And hopefully chapter 7 will be up soon. We're very close to the end now.
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy! :>

Darkness pressed down around Ashpaw. He swayed, disoriented in the void-like surroundings he was in. He could see trees, illuminated by unnatural white light coming from further away. They closed in around him, and Ashpaw shrunk back and began mewling for help. He was scared, alone, and wanted his mother more than anything right now. 

Just then, he felt thunder in the ground. The rumbling got stronger, and Ashpaw heard the angry caterwauling coming towards him through the trees. As soon as he saw the first of the cats tearing through, he started running.

 

His paws beat against the earth, skidding to swerve around branches and rocks, hoping to lose the trail of the pursuers. But no matter how fast he ran they only caught up further. His chest was tight and he heaved breaths through clenched teeth. Then he realized there was something soft between his teeth. The scent of kit caught in his nose.

 

Just as Ashpaw had that thought, he saw himself, cowering among the bushes. He was much smaller than he was now, and his eyes were wide in a strange confusion. Although seeing himself should have been the real shock, Ashpaw only had one feeling, one that shook the air from his lungs and made his body reap with pain.

 

_ I have to go back! Go back for my son! _

 

He awoke with a startled spasm. His breath was heavy and his entire body was quivering. It took him a moment to realize he had been dreaming again, the same dream he’d been having since he went to the Moonstone. He looked up, desperately scanning the den for Badgerheart. To his disappointment, he was alone.

 

He had told Badgerheart about his dream before, wondering if it had some connection to Starclan. But Badgerheart disagreed and said it was more likely a nightmare caused by him thinking about his mother so often and worrying about her. Unfortunately, neither of them had a solution on how to stop the dreams.

 

A low rumble of thunder came from outside. As Ashpaw became more aware, he could hear heavy rain as well, drumming on the roof of the den. He couldn’t tell what time it was, but the den was very dark because of the weather, and he assumed it to be late.

 

One would think the storm would scare someone such as Ashpaw, but it was actually quite the opposite. It always gave him a nostalgic feeling, like he was back in his old home, blanketed with the protection it provided. Another rumble came from outside, it comforted him slightly after his nightmare.

 

He stood and stretched, shaking his fur out. The air was definitely starting to get cooler. Although Ashpaw had never experienced it, he knew that after so many moons the world would grow bitter cold, covering the ground in a white substance called snow. He felt he remembered it for some reason. Perhaps he had been born during the cold season, or it was just an instinct he had. Whatever it was, he could feel it happening, and it creeped into his nest like a slow mist.

 

Lightning struck somewhere distant, illuminating the den for less than a heartbeat. But it was just long enough to show the outline of a cat barrelling inside. Ashpaw’s fur stood on end as the shaggy mess of fur came in panting.

 

“Ashpaw, are you awake?” Badgerheart asked. He sounded worried.

 

“Right here.” Ashpaw whimpered. He stepped closer to the dripping body of Badgerheart and that's when the smell of blood hit him.

 

“Riverclan’s attacking.” He heaved.

 

Ashpaw barely had a moment to react when Badgerheart stormed past him and started grabbing herbs. Cobwebs, dock leaves, goldenrod, everything used to heal wounds. Ashpaw’s heart pounded in his ears, drowning out the sound of more thunder rumbling outside. “What should I do?”

 

Badgerheart didn’t look at him, instead he dropped the mess of herbs in front of him. “You’re going to do your job.”

 

The seriousness in his voice stunned him momentarily, “M-my job?” Ashpaw stuttered, “You mean heal them? During _ a battle?” _

 

“Of course. This is what you’ve been training for.” Ashpaw would disagree, mainly because he only agreed to become a medicine cat so he could visit Starclan to find answers, but he  _ had _ promised train with him. He knew almost every herb at this point and their functions, but he rarely actually healed anybody.

 

Badgerheart looked back at him and his expression softened. He sighed and said, “Alright, look, since this is your first time acting during a battle, I’m going to run you down on what’s going to happen.” He spoke quickly while pacing. “We’re going to be mostly on the edge of the forest, sheltered from being attacked. Most cats will refrain from hurting us, but you can’t be too careful.”

 

Ashpaw watched as he swerved back the other way, his eyes were distant as if he were imaging the fight before him. “You’ll have to stay and heal anyone that comes to you. I’ll be on the field escorting any wounded warriors back to you. I won’t have time to watch over you so you’ll just have to make do by yourself, but I know you can do it.”

 

When Badgerheart finished explaining his “plan” they set off, each carrying more medicine than they could handle. The wind and rain slapped against his face and he had to narrow his eyes just to see. Badgerheart led straight towards Sunning Rocks, the peaceful stream where they had first collected marigold together.

 

As they neared the clearing, the peaceful memory vanished. Battle cries and yowling screams could be heard even through the downpour of rain. Badgerheart and Ashpaw slowed as they came to the edge of the forest, with a thin wall of brambles and ferns between them and countless cats tussling in a mass of violence.

 

Badgerheart set his herbs down quickly and said something to Ashpaw. He couldn’t hear him over the noise, but he recognized the reassuring smile on his face. And moments later he was gone, having rushed straight into the sea of turning bodies.

 

While Ashpaw was waiting, he could see the battle through the bushes. He watched as a gray and white she-cat pounced onto a tabby tom, two orange toms slashed furiously at each other, and the body of a white she-cat fell backwards as her neck was slashed by another warrior. He closed his eyes tightly.

 

They weren’t closed for long though, as a skinny black tom fell through the ferns, practically landing at his paws. He looked up at Ashpaw with a surprised yet pained expression. He brought his back leg up close to his stomach, revealing a deep gash in his side.

 

Ashpaw was frozen for a moment, unsure of how to react to all the blood. When he thought about Badgerheart though, and how he was counting on him, it all came back to him. Quickly, he started unraveling the webs he had brought. Pressing them into his side so the bleeding would stop, he also began chewing the goldenrod into a pulp.

 

It only took a minute or so before the bleeding slowed, and he managed to successfully bandage the warrior. The black tom was resting on his side, eyes closed and breathing slow. Although he looked rough, Ashpaw had to convince himself he would be alright. There was more cats that needed him right now.

 

Ashpaw turned his attention back to the battle. He felt more focused now, less afraid of the bloodshed and more willing to save who he could. He had to admit, despite his fear and bitterness towards the clan cats, and as much as he despised being a medicine cat, he would do everything he could to save someone’s life.

 

As he was watching the battle again, looking for anyone who would need his help, he saw a few familiar faces. Brickjaw was at a she-cat’s neck, but she looked just as fierce and slashed him across the eyes, causing him to draw back. He saw the white cat who had fallen, slung over the shoulders of Longstream from Riverclan. He looked around for Badgerheart or Asterpaw, but failed to see either of them amongst the crowd.

 

He slunk back into the shadows, looking for a vantage point. He crept around the wounded cat he had healed and started making his away around the edge of the battle. He made his way almost to the edge of the stream, and then saw Cardinalstar. 

 

The massive calico was viciously slashing at a small brown tom, who Ashpaw expected to be the leader of Riverclan. Blood and scratches covered them from head to paw, but yet they kept fighting. Although the sight was scary, he found it more horrifying that this is the cat who had threatened him several times before. If Cardinalstar had wanted to, he could have killed Ashpaw long ago.

 

Suddenly, something else caught his attention. Someone cried out in agony, and he saw a tiny gray cat fall before a Riverclan warrior. As he left their convulsing body, Ashpaw made his move. He darted out of the bushes, into the flurry of cats. He ducked flailing limbs and claws, and managed to reach them easily.

 

They were shivering uncontrollably, and Ashpaw saw the grass beneath them turning red. Quickly, he gently grabbed their scruff and began walking in reverse, back to the safety of the forest. He heaved, trying his best to stay out of cats way and still pull as hard as he could. 

 

Then he felt a body strike into his side. Not painfully, but someone heavy landed on him, knocking the air out of his lungs and throwing him away from his patient. As the cat returned to battle, Ashpaw disorientedly struggled to his paws. The focus he had was now gone, and Ashpaw felt like the forest was collapsing on him again.

 

He looked around, struggling to keep himself awake. The yelling turned into muffled noises. The battle turned into a blur of colors. Ashpaw could only hear his heartbeat, drumming loudly in his head.

 

Just then, through the muffled noises, Ashpaw heard someone call his name. He snapped out of his panic to see Badgerheart, Carrying the injured warrior in his jaws. He said something, then hurriedly swept Ashpaw along with his tail, shielding him from the fight. Ashpaw was trying his hardest to keep it together, and finally they managed to make it back to their station.

 

Badgerheart rested the cat down, and looked up at Ashpaw with deep concern. “Are you okay?”

 

Ashpaw nodded shakily, and started to grab some goldenrod. No matter what, he wouldn’t let a cat die. 

 

“Ashpaw.”

 

But as he started applying the poultice and pressing cobwebs after cobweb, the blood kept coming. The warrior was no longer shaking, and instead their breathing was becoming scarcer.

 

“ _ Ashpaw. _ ”

 

His own paws were shaking now as he pressed down on the wound, desperately trying to stop the bleeding. He felt the weak pulse beneath him stop.

 

“Ashpaw,” Badgerheart said again, quietly. “it’s already too late.”

 

Both of them were silent. Ashpaw slowly stepped off the wound, and saw the cat was still. The cat's eyes were closed, and a small trickle of blood could be seen from their partly separated jaws. Ashpaw could only stare, completely unable to speak.

 

   
Badgerheart walked to him, wrapping his tail comfortingly around him like he had done so many times before. “It’s not your fault.” he muttered quietly. “There’s nothing we could have done for them. That wound was too deep, even for us. We can try, but there will always be cats who will fall in battle. We just have to save those who we can.”

 

Ashpaw looked up at the gray cat. Although he didn’t know them, he felt a kind of respect for them. Ashpaw had never witnessed a death before, but the fact this cat had to die this way was too tragic for him to handle. “Wh-what was their name?” he managed to ask.

 

“Birchpaw. One of the youngest apprentices too.” he said sadly.

 

Suddenly something in Ashpaw felt like it shattered.

 

An  _ apprentice _ ?

 

A six moon old kit could be trained for  _ battle _ , and die like _ this _ ?

 

That could have been him. He could have been trained like this, having to fight and know at any moment you would die horribly. Ashpaw could have been out there, tearing at other cats throats and trying to win some kind of meaningless battle. Ashpaw could have been the one dying at a young medicine cat's paws.

 

The thought sickened him further as he realized that's what all these cats were doing. All these warriors, apprentices and kits were trained to fight and kill, with the exception of medicine cats. And he suspected  _ all _ the clans did this. It was an endless cycle of war, one that Ashpaw was brought into.

 

Both he and Badgerheart lifted their heads in surprise as he heard the battle cries turn into victory shouts. They looked through the branches, and saw Riverclan heading back to their side of the river. Cardinalstar was standing on top of sunning rocks, which was now painted red in blood, and he was grinning in a kind of vengeful pride as he watched his enemy retreat.

 

Ashpaw shrunk back, feeling more trapped than ever. This wasn’t a victory. This was only one of many battles that would be faced here. More cats would die, more blood would be shed. The feeling of shattering started to reverse, as the shards inside him was pulled back together into a cold hardness. His hatred for the clans had never been so strong, and he knew there was only so much more of it he could take.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip it's been forever but I'm finally gonna finish this story. We're so close to the end.
> 
> also like i said this is the trio of chapters that FUCKING MURDER ME so good luck surviving because i definitely won't!

Ever since that night, Ashpaw had felt hollowed out, as if birds had decided to build a nest inside his ribs. He felt a sickly feeling every time he ate, and a feeling of disgust when he saw his own reflection. He wasn’t afraid of Thunderclan anymore either, surprisingly. He would still get glares from warriors and have queens act paranoid of him around their kits, but his fear had been completely replaced by a low burning hatred.

 

Every moment he spent healing warrior’s injuries, he could only wonder how they had gotten their wounds. What about their opponent? Were they hurt too? Did they have their own families and kits, fully accepting that at any day a simple border skirmish could take away their family’s lives?

 

Ashpaw felt sick knowing that the kits playing in the nursery would grow up and spend their lives fighting and hating their neighboring clans. _We’re all cats, we all deserve to live. Why do the clans think they are the only important ones in this world? Why can't they just agree to share and be kind to one another? The biggest threat in the forest isn't rogues or badgers...it's themselves._

 

Night was falling now. The sky was a dim lavender as Ashpaw sat just outside the medicine cat’s den. Most cats were just coming back from hunting patrols or were sharing tongues with their friends, but none seemed to notice him among the shadows.

 

He looked up as he saw the deputy, Brickjaw, returning with his own patrol, the leafy bramble tunnel quivering as the last remaining cats emerged from it. His whiskers twitched. He could leave. He could leave Thunderclan right now if he wanted to. Badgerheart had taught him everything he needed to, and he wasn’t a kit anymore. He would be fine on his own, and he could walk as far as his paws would take him, far away from the clans.

 

He would have left right then and there, but his paws felt anchored in place. The pros and cons outweighed themselves in favour of leaving, but yet he couldn’t bring himself to go. Not yet.

 

He felt his heart stir as familiar dark fur brushed up against his shoulder. He turned and saw Badgerheart, smiling down at him. “Are you just going to stand there moping about? We have to leave in a little bit.” his voice rasped affectionately.

 

Ashpaw nodded, smiling back. The feelings of hatred and despair fled his mind. Badgerheart was the one good thing here, and he was the only family he had known besides his mother, which now seemed like finding her would be an impossible task to achieve. He hadn’t given up entirely, but having Badgerheart here to look after him and love him eased his loneliness away for the most part. He was fine living like this, with him.

 

He couldn’t believe he use to be afraid of him. Now, he couldn’t imagine Badgerheart not in his life.

 

\---

 

After the sun went down the cold air seemed to grip the world in it’s bitter claws. Ashpaw and Badgerheart trudged up the hills of Windclan, the lush grass now dried and crumpled from the cold. Ashpaw wished he had Badgerheart’s thick pelt, but even his mentor seemed to be suffering from the freezing wind. He stopped to cough a few times, his breath rasping from the icy wind, but kept moving forward.

 

When they got to Mothermouth, the other medicine cats were already inside, waiting for them. He noticed they all seemed particularly quiet, watching Ashpaw with mischievous smiles on their faces. Even Crowthroat, who always seemed tired and grumpy, was smirking slightly. After a moment when nobody seemed to say anything, he sat down on the cave floor next to Badgerheart, who was also smiling. “Erm, what’s….going on?” he asked anxiously.

 

“It’s your naming ceremony!” Asterberry, who had just received her own name last moon, swung her heavy paws over his shoulder, nearly knocking him over. “You can finally have a cool name like Ashberry or Ashwhatever!”

 

“Wha-?” Ashpaw shook her off and was immediately filled with both excitement and anxiety. “Tonight? Really?”

 

“Yes, really.” Badgerheart stood next to him proudly. “You’ve worked so hard and have come so far since I first found you. You’re ready.”

 

The other cats cheered congratulations but Ashpaw’s doubt started creeping in. _Why do I need another name? I’m only just getting use to Ashpaw, now I have to start all over again!_ Then he started worrying about what his new name might be. _What if it’s something like, Ashgrass? That sounds so horrible! Badgerheart wouldn’t give me a name like that, would he? Oh stars, he probably would!_

 

Badgerheart quieted the others and stepped forward to stand in front of Moonstone, outlining his pelt in a blue light. Ashpaw followed him slowly, setting his paws down just in front of him. He was glad at least this time the crowd here was smaller, and not full of strangers. But it still made his heart race to have everyone watching him.

 

Badgerheart coughed, and cleared his voice before speaking. “I, Badgerheart, medicine cat of Thunderclan, call upon our warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of healing and herbs, and with your help, he will serve his clan for many moons.”

 

 _Will I?_ Ashpaw thought carefully. He had thought the same thing during his first ceremony. But he was more certain now, knowing that he could save the lives fallen in battle. _I won’t let another cat die by my paws ever again._

 

“Ashpaw, do you promise to uphold the ways of a medicine cat, to bring peace between rivalries, to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your life?”

 

Ashpaw nodded slowly. “I do.”

 

Badgerheart’s serious tone was broken as his face lit up with pride. “Then by the powers of Starclan I give you your true name. Ashpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Ashwind. Starclan honors your compassion and determination, and we welcome you as a full medicine cat of Thunderclan.”

 

 _Ashwind? Guess it could be worse._ He thought as the other medicine cats ran up to him and nudged him affectionately, calling his name and celebrating. “Ashwind! Ashwind!” They all cheered, Asterberry clearly trying to be the loudest. He looked up and saw Badgerheart watching him with the same love in his eyes that his mother had once had for him. And for just a moment, he was truly happy to be in the clans.

 

\--

 

It was still dark after they had left the moonstone. Starclan never offered any real wisdom, but Ashwind was use to that by now. He mostly just went just to check and see if his mother was there, but she never was. Not yet, at least. It was still nice to meet up with the others and have some time away from the clans.

 

A freezing cold wind swept through his fur as they padded back across the moor. He would appreciate his time more if it weren’t so cold. He looked up at the sky, seeing dark clouds gathering above him. _Just snow already if you’re going to! Leafbare’s half over but it hasn’t snowed once!_ He thought, as if the sky would respond to him by starting a blizzard.

 

He heard a cough behind him, and turned to see Badgerheart hunched over, his sides heaving with every struggled breath. Ashwind crept back to him, trying to shield him from the wind, and waited for Badgerheart to catch his breath.

 

“S-sorry ‘bout that.” Badgerheart mumbled as his coughing fit stopped. He walked past Ashwind, carrying on towards the treeline in the distance. Ashwind felt a twinge of worry as he watched him go. Something seemed off about the way he walked too. _Did he forget to take his marigold?_ He wondered.

 

As he followed slowly after him, he made a mental list of all the herbs to stop coughing. _Bright-eye, Lovage, Coltsfoot, Tansy, Catmint._ All these herbs were low in supply back home, but together they might be enough for Badgerheart to take alongside his Marigold. _Now that i’m medicine cat, does this mean I have to take care of the previous one too?_ He thought jokingly, but uneasily regretted the thought.

 

\--

 

The days came and went, Badgerheart’s strange illness didn’t seem to get any better. Or worse, for that matter. He kept an eye out for any herbs that could help him, but Leafbare had killed nearly everything already. When he tried to question Badgerheart about it, he would only say “It’s nothing” or “Don’t worry about it.” or “Sorry about that.” but Ashwind had to help him, he had made a vow at the Moonstone that he would help the clans whether his life depended on it, and by the stars that was what he was going to do!

 

The next day he decided to sneak out of camp before anyone else woke up. Not that anybody would stop him, now that he wasn’t an apprentice anymore. He set off into the dense woods, scouring the entire forest for herbs. After hours of walking off trails and at the very edge of borders, he found a small patch of Tansy under an oak tree. He bit some off and began to hurriedly walk back towards camp when he saw white and gray fur through a few bushes.

 

He knew he was close to Twolegplace, but there usually weren't kittypets around these parts, in the marshiest area of the forest. He crept forward, trying to stealthily peer through the bushes. His gaze was met with theirs as they peeked back at them with shining blue eyes.

 

Ashwind yelped and leaped backwards, his fur bristling. They stuck their head over the top of the bush and grinned. "Hey there! What are you doing? Do you collect flowers?" They asked, smiling curiously at him.

 

Ashwind carefully sat upwards, studying this odd cat. They seemed familiar, but he couldn't place where. "Are you...from Riverclan?" He asked.

  
  
"Riverclan? What's that?" They asked. Ashwind relaxed as he realized this was likely just a stray kittypet, but their next words startled them. "My name's Aspen by the way, what's yours?"

 

"Aspen?" Ashwind's memories seemed to rewind in his head. He thought back to when his mother had brought home that kit for the first time, the first of many. Their name had been Aspenkit- A clan name! He had completely forgotten about that, and now...

 

The pieces began fitting into Ashwinds mind but yet they still didn't quite fit. What was his mother doing with clan kits? Was that why they were chasing her? She hadn't stolen them, had she? He shook his head, his mother would never have done something like that. There must have been another reason. His mother wasn't a kidnapper.

 

"Well, if you're just going to stand there like a frightened mouse..." They started to leave when Ashwind jumped to his paws.

 

"Wait! Wait, where are you from then?"

 

"Uh, here?" they shot a look at Ashwind as if he were crazy. "I'm not from any 'clan' you mentioned. My mother raised me in these woods with a few other cats. They don't like visitors though, so, I'm afraid I'll have to part with you now." They twitched their tail as they disappeared into the undergrowth. Ashwind could only stare after them in shock. He was sure of it. That had to be the same cat.

 

Was this the place his mother had brought them? And why? He shook his head again, too many questions raced through his mind. He had to get back to Badgerheart first, and maybe then they could discuss all this.

 

\---

 

When he got back, he was just about to return inside the medicine cat den when he felt something soft underneath his paws. He lifted it, seeing a small blue berry crushed from where he stepped on it. _A juniper berry? What’s that doing all the way out here?_ He was going to ignore it when he saw another one, just further in. He followed them as if they had been laid out in a trail, but when he went in he saw what had happened.

 

Badgerheart was collapsed on the ground, with a pile of juniper berries scattered from where he had fallen. Ashwind ran to his side frantically. “Badgerheart!? Badgerheart wake up!” He tried shaking him, but the tom was unresponsive other than the raspy, shallow breathing coming from inside him.

 

He pushed him back into his nest, cleaning off any squashed berries stuck in his fur and began chewing the Tansy along with the Marigold. _Stupid Badgerheart!_ He thought angrily. _Why couldn’t you have just taken care of yourself better! Stupid Mousebrain!_

 

He slipped the poultice into Badgerheart’s mouth, and rubbed his throat so that he would automatically swallow. He remembered Badgerheart teaching him that when one of the kits wouldn’t take their herbs, but he never thought he'd be doing this with his own mentor. He watched Badgerheart with concern as his breathing eased slightly, but it was still shallow.

 

He waited the whole day. It wasn’t until nightfall that Badgerheart finally regained consciousness, but just barely. “Sorry-” He started, but Ashwind swept in front of him, barely able to hold back tears.

 

“What were you thinking!? You could have died! You almost died! I don’t care how low the stock is, you should always take your herbs! You taught me that you stupid, senile elder!” He sniffed angrily.

  


Badgerheart just stared at him with his eyelids drooping. His eyes casted to the ground, and he looked at the mess of Tansy, Marigold and Juniper all over the den floor. After a moment he said in a quiet voice, “Ashwind, I think whatever is happening, I don’t think any herb can stop it.”

 

“But you were fine yesterday!” He cried miserably. He didn’t want to hear any of this.

 

“I’ve been dealing with more than just a pair of weak legs all my life, Ashwind. And I think it’s finally getting the better of me.” He sunk down, his head resting on his paws. “I’m just glad I got to make you a full medicine cat before something like this happened.”

 

Ashwind just sat quietly next to him for the rest of that night. Neither of them knew what to say to make things better, not that there was anything that could be said. Badgerheart spent the next few days in his nest, leaving all the duties to Ashwind. Even with his abundance of medicines prescribed by Ashwind, Bagderheart never seemed to get better. And eventually, his legs stopped working entirely. He couldn't leave his nest anymore, and he seemed to be constantly thirsty.

 

One morning not long after, he delivered another large bundle of soaked moss. Badgerheart barely touched it. That was when Ashwind knew, today was his last day with Badgerheart.

 

A lot of cats came in to visit Badgerheart that day, even though Ashwind hadn't announced his thoughts. Everyone from queens to kits came to say their greetings to him, although Ashwind knew they were really farewells. A pair of apprentices thanked Badgerheart for healing their wounds, and a small white queen thanked him for saving her kits once. As they all thanked him, Ashwind got a new sense of just how much Badgerheart did for these cats and how well respected he was.

 

Cardinalstar came to thank Badgerheart for his service, and for a moment Ashwind saw genuine kindness on the leader’s face- something that Ashwind rarely caught. But as Cardinalstar turned towards him, it was immediately replaced by the same menacing glare he always saw. He turned and left, leaving only one other cat remaining in the den.

 

Brickjaw sat down heavily in front of Badgerheart, his claws kneading into the ground right next to Ashwind. This was the closest he had ever stood next to the deputy, and he could see now just how similar the two brothers were. They shared the same dark eyes, and thick black fur. Even his usual snarl was softened to look more like Baderheart’s calm demeanor.

 

After a moment of staring into each other's eyes in silence, Brickjaw sank down to his paws, and rested his head on Badgerheart’s forehead. “I’m sorry, I said I would always protect you.” his voice came out as if he were a mother talking to her newborn kits.

 

Badgerheart just chuckled in response. “And you did an excellent job. But I don’t think even you could stop a cat from dying, although I know you'd definitely try.”

 

He saw Brickjaw choke back a tearful laugh, and caught tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. “I know. I’m just...I’m sorry.”

 

“You’re going to be a fine leader, Brickjaw. And I will be there to give you your nine lives when the time comes.” 

 

A soft whimper came from Brickjaw as he was clearly crying now, turning his face away from Ashwind's view.

 

Badgerheart's eyes fell on Ashwind, his eyes full like two gray moons. “My young Ashwind, I’ve come to love you as my best friend and maybe even as a son. I'm so glad I got to teach you everything, and you've come so far since I first found you. I'm sorry we never found your mother, but she would be proud of you too. I know that.”

 

He felt Brickjaw tense beside him, but he didn’t say anything, so Ashwind ignored it. Badgerheart continued, his eyes focusing on the space behind him. “Never let these cats bully you, Ashwind. You are their medicine cat now. They need you. Stay…stay good….”

 

His eyelids fluttered for a moment, and then he was still.

 

"Badger...." Ashwind stopped, he felt his voice break and he couldn't speak as despair filled him. Brickjaw let out a wail of grief and together the both of them cried as the life of their friend began to fade. They stayed like that, in an unspoken distraught for what seemed like hours. Ashwind couldn't cope with his new loneliness, he had just found peace and once again life had ripped it away from him, shredding any hope he had left. He wanted to give up, to resign to everything and lay with Badgerheart until the cold claws of death took him as well.

 

 

But he felt Brickjaw stir, raising to his paws at last. The moonlight behind them casted a shadow over his face, but Ashwind could just see the darkened tears dried on his fur. He spoke, trying to keep his voice gruff. He looked sympathetic for a moment, as if he were going to reassure Ashwind. But instead all he said was, "I was right. You were a bad omen all along." and he turned and stomped out of the den without looking back.

 

Ashwind sat there in the dark for the longest time, watching as stray marigold petals swept across the den in a slight breeze. He bared his teeth, feeling his body grow stiff with anger and resentment. Everything he hated about the clans came back in full force. There was nothing here for him anymore. They all hated him, and he hated them just as much. He dug his claws into the ground to force himself from impulsively destroying the entire herb storage at that given moment. Without Badgerheart here, he felt as if the world was being pulled away from him. But he grabbed back with desperate claws, not willing to let this go. Not anymore.

  
He wasn't going to sit idly as the clans continued to follow their selfish warrior code. He had to speak up.


End file.
